Back down memory lane

4.19.19

It’s Friday and I’m at home because I’m using my last day of PTO as an employee. I’m sitting on my bed with dried tears on my face and a runny nose. This week I really started to feel the heaviness of this transition. I have so many exciting plans for the rest of the year and for the first time since I made up my mind to take that fearful leap of faith, doubt crept in. On my way to work this past Wednesday, I receive news that will cause my financial responsibilities to change drastically for the next 2 months. It’s like a boulder came crashing down right on my path. Did I really expect for things to just flow smoothly and then BOOM, one day I’m living my dreams? I know we’ve all seen those pictures of someone taking a journey and there’s a straight line pointing from start to finish, which is how we mistakenly expect the journey to success to be. Then there’s another line with loops and turns and blockages along the way from start to finish, which is the reality of how things will be. I guess I met my first obstacle this week. The beauty in this unexpected happenstance is that there is always a way around it. I haven’t quite figured that part out yet, but I know that if I am patient, the answers will reveal themselves in divine timing. Until then, I am learning to appreciate these lessons that are being sent to me. I’m learning how to stay grounded so that I am always able to readjust to the changes. That makes it easier to ride the waves of life that carry us to and fro. Most of my lessons are showing themselves by way of relationships. People show up in our lives to show us our own reflection. Sometimes we don’t like what we see and other times, we love what we see. When we don't like what is being reflected back to us, we can either accept it and work to change the things that we don’t like or we can run away, pack it down in our memory bank, and pretend like we never saw it. When we like our reflection, it feels like butterflies and rainbows and we can’t wait to experience it again. I am grateful for both of those experiences. They both come to bring awareness and to ask us to be open to a little bit of growth in our lives. It’s up to us to decide whether we’d like to stay comfortable or to accept the challenges that come with expansion. We decide our fate.